the-perfect-zombie-survival-plan

 

So the world hasn’t ended yet..

or are we T – 10 minutes ‘and counting’ till doomsday? The clock is ticking.

There has been a lot of talk about the Mayan Calendar and the end of the world lately. There was even a show on National Geographic, where “Doomsday Preppers” trained and stocked up on ammunition for the end of the world; they even taught their children combat skills and shooting techniques. Shout out to them for taking their insane cause very seriously.

the-perfect-zombie-survival-plan

However, if we have learned anything from Y2K, it is that, the world is not ending anytime soon (Remember the hysteria during the new millennium). OR IS IT?

As we usher in a New Year, we are suspicious that the writers of “The Walking Dead” might be on to something. So we are going to stay alert, sharpen our spears and dart our eyeballs back and forth.

Inspired by the potential apocalypse, we asked our Staff and Contributors:

What Are Your Survival Strategies For The Zombie Apocalypse?

Read On, shit is about to get post apocalyptic up in here. If you agree/disagree with our strategies, share yours in the comment box below. May the most comatose survive.

 

Zombie_Martini_by_SuburbanSoothSayerSamiat Salami. Editor In Chief.

Make a flaming martini to throw in a Zombie’s face and simultaneously for my enjoyment. You didn’t think I was going to sit through a Zombie apocalypse sober.

Channel my Karate skills from 6th grade. Kicking and screaming in mid air, should scare zombies.

Bola Olusanya. President.

I would brush up on my Judo but since I don’t want to actually touch the zombies, I’ll just use the Joker’s tactics and stock up on gasoline and dynamite.

 Noelle Bailey. Music Contributor.
Cover myself in the corpse of someone who wasn’t lucky enough to make it and act like a zombie until I get to the safe-zone for survivors.  Although I don’t believe in all this apocalypse talk, I have been watching The Walking Dead on HBO.  That strategy worked for them, so it should be legit for real life.
Jabbo Marshall. Literature Contributor.
ThrillerFirst I would tell all my family members that I love them and give them pictures of me when I was still gorgeous and human. I would also place them in my secret underground hiding place where I have been stocking toilet paper and Eggo waffles for the past 12 years. After making sure my family was safe I would set out on a perilous journey to find Marlon Brando’s grave. Not quite sure how the zombie thing works, but from watching Michael Jackson i am under the influence that they dig from their graves? Anyways I would set up a nice picnic area: grapes, pb&j sandwiches, raw meat, the dead possum I ran over, and some skittles for Marlon’s arrival, or return.
I shall build a force field around us so other zombies, especially those skinny ones that retain a lot of water in their ankles, can be extra jealous of our undying love. Also so they couldn’t eat me.
 I unfortunately would have to chain Mr. Brando up and put a muzzle around his mouth, alas we shall spend plenty of hours and days together. Well until North Korea takes advantage of the situation and blows up the U.S.
My plan B is to let them just kill me, way too lazy to fight and Atlanta Housewives might be on that day.
 Adora Evans. Style Contributor.

It’s been all downhill from here, from talking UGGS to fake glasses without the lens. As we quickly approach the wake of the zombie apocalypse, I bite my nails while my teeth chitter in gruesome anticipation of partying my butt off to show the living dead who’s really alive.

I Am LegendDion Burton. Resident Photographer.
I would call my god dad will smith and ask him get the MIB ready as well as get the dog from I AM LEGEND…I’m gonna charge my camera batter and clear off my memory cards so I can document it all…and most of all I’ll keep Zoe Saldana to cuddle with while Will cuddles with the dog…I’ll survive because Will and the agents at MIB will protect me while I shoot…
 Miles Aitkenhead. Contributor.
Watch some zombie films for survival strategies, followed by gathering up the few survivors, breaking into a governmental military base and nuking all the areas of the world where there are zombies. Problem solved!
Kierra Bryant. Style Contributor.
Go get my zombie costume freshly steamed from my local dry cleaners. There’s no way I’ll be a human in this apocalypse!
Georgia Jackson. Contributor.
  1. Not teaming up with people who might become pregnant a la Lori.
  2. Dusting off Grandma’s old Derringer and loading it with whatever I can find: frozen peas, frozen corn, frozen beans.  Really, any frozen veggie will do.
 Hilton Hosannah. Contributor.

Resident-evil-afterlife-originalMore cardio.

Dynamite, lots and lots of dynamite.

Watching Zombieland, I Am Legend, and Shaun of the Dead for inspiration.

 Shamzy Thompson. Contributor.
  1. Be prepared to sacrifice morals and spiritual beliefs because I must be willing to steal and/or kill for survival and safety. Sorry Buddha!
  2. Embody Alice from Resident Evil.
  3. Wherever I am, find my girlfriend.
  4. Steal whatever items I would need to ensure survival and safety.
  5. Fill up all cars (mine, friends, and family) with gas.
  6. Learn to steal a car (just in case we run out of gas).
  7. If there is a safe haven, I will find it and get all my loved ones to it no matter what it takes.